Influence of upbringing/education when tolerating the rules
Rules can be accepted as necessary for someone’s safety. Boundaries can even be a sign of love and concern, such as parents strictly enforcing a “don’t touch the stove” rule. The parents care enough to create rules for the child’s safety and then enforce it, allowing children to know that everything that is permitted is safe.
Children may also tentatively accept the rules. However, coping mechanisms and handling of vary between children. There are several common methods of handling rules.
• The child experiences hesitation, a moment in which their desire to do sometime must be reined in and then denied. The child still wants to perform the action but obeys the order not to do so. Conversely, the child wants to do something else but after hesitation, obeys the adult’s instructions. Children hesitating to obey may do so but harbor a desire to break the rule.
• The child is resigned and follows the rule. The child gives up hope of their desired activity continuing and trudges off to do as they are told. Conversely, they may accept the limit without emotional impulses to the contrary. When told to study, the child may be sad at turning off the TV but obeys.
• Careful withdrawal involves a deliberate cessation when told to stop but done on the child’s terms. For example, a child told to go to bed may deliberately stall with making a side trip to retrieve a stuffed animal and then visit the bathroom for a drink of water. The child is following the intent of the instruction but in their own way. Careful withdrawal can also entail testing the boundaries of the rule. When told not to touch a night light, a child will pull their hand back slowly, testing exactly when the “don’t touch” rule is considered met.
(The influence of upbringing/education when rejecting the rules will be covered in part 2)