• Social interactions can take on a parent-child dynamic. The dominant person is judgmental and critical of others. Their parental status may be based on greater experience or specific expertise in an area. Others frequently defer to the expert at first. Too much criticism and fault-finding will cause volunteers to drift away from a cause, no matter how worthwhile the project.
• Neighbors and friends can appear kind when they take on a parent-child relationship to someone. Rather than seeming angry or demeaning, the “parent” elicits opinions or friendly interaction with the “child”. However, they will tease or make fun of the person’s input or behavior. The “child” is not taken seriously and may be the butt of jokes.
Impact of Parent-Child Relationships outside the Family
• Parent-child relationships can poison a marriage. Spouses treated as children may lie, hide spending or otherwise choose to act without their spouse’s knowledge because they will not receive their approval. Spouses acting as the parent may resent the “child” for violating their trust.
• Employees resent managers who treat them as children. This prevents teams from forming, leaving only management by decree. Positional power replaces persuasive power. Morale suffers in this environment. Furthermore, employees will not act outside of strict procedures or will not take independent action at all for fear of angering the “parent”.
• Organizations that allow “parents” to dominate tend to lose all but a few “children”. They cannot find volunteers and have trouble keeping staff despite the pay and the value of the mission.
A Solution
Transactional analysis in psychotherapy’s goal is helping others move their relationships from parent-child to adult-adult. Because the parent-child dynamic is not limited to biological families, transactional analysis and therapy to correct it is not limited to family therapy. Counseling to move relationships from parent-child to adult-adult can be utilized in marital therapy, management training and leadership seminars.
