Every human operates from a three-tier personality status or ego state, each level or ego state constantly interfering with the other at a very subtle level. Unless one is very tuned to oneself, it is difficult to understand the influences of the various ego states in operation during interpersonal communication.
Eric Berne describes in detail the three operative alter ego states in a human being, all of which are in similtaneous opeartion and change from birth.
The three operative states are those of "parent", "adult" and "child", each with their own positive and negative inflluences on a communication or transaction between people. While the "parent" state operates from a state of authority and is a result of our immediate environment of birth and the cultural influences absorbed in the process of birth, the "child" state is an expression of our senses and feelings, and operates basically from an emotional standpoint. The adult state is a conditioned state of mature expression with reason and understanding, and without emotional or authoritative bias.
Communication can be through silence, verbal, or body language. In fact, studies have found that only 7% of the real meaning of a communication or "transaction" is understood from verbal communication. Much of our communication therefore is understood by more subtle means of communication such as body language, tone of voice, posture, gestures, inflexions, facial expressions, and even by our silence.
The ego state from which one operates is also a reflection of his "complexes". People operating from a parent state "talk down" to others, assuming a position of "superiority", while those operating from a child state have a rather patronising attitude, which reflects a position of inferiority. The adult ego state is the only state of communication (adult communicating with adult) that operates from an "I'm okay, you're okay" state that is free of complexes and achieves the best result.
As such, it is the only performance oriented state of operating and achieving a successful and effective comunication that results in success. All other forms of communication are prone to failure, unless the transacting "other" is operating from the exact opposite frame of ego state. Even then, such a transaction is not as effective as a fully adult-to-adult transaction.
