"What's that supposed to mean?", the husband blurts out in roaring shock. "I have no idea what you're talking about", the wife huffs in frosty innocence, "I merely pointed out it looks like you're off to play golf again".
Is the husband really that shocked by his wife's subtle dig? And is his wife really that offended by his flash of temper?
Or are they both partners in a well-rehearsed dance, as choreographed as a Texas Two-step, and a dance they both secretly desire?
The romantics among us might say they just need to keep dancing until they work everything out. The proponents of Transactional Analysis would say they're not going to stop dancing until they can name that tune. They won't stop hurtful patterns of angry outbursts, sarcasm, lack of authentic intimacy and communication until they can see and evaluate their role in the Psychological Mind-Game they are playing.
A Psychological Mind-Game, according to Transactional Analysis theory, is a way of structuring time, filling time, or "killing time" when the pain or risk of real intimacy is being avoided. Fundamental to understanding the Psychological Mind Game is the Transactional Analysis thesis that every person operates at all times out of one of three ego states; Parent, Adult, or Child. These three roles are capitalized to distinguish them from the actual roles of adult, parent, or child.
The Adult state is the preferred state in this model, as the individual responds to input, events, and information with a correct and mature evaluation of reality. The behavior in the Parent role could be positive or negative, since it hinges entirely on responding in ways that were learned from parents or other significant figures of authority as a child. The Child role, which is often practiced in people of all ages, involves responding to people, events, and information with feelings, thoughts, and responses that characterized our childhood behavior.
(continued)
