These are questions of worth, identity, and value that the individual perceives he or she has or does not have, resulting in the various combinations of "I'm OK", or "I"m not OK". This evaluation of worth or demerit does not occur in a vacuum. The messages we have received from others at a formative stage deeply influence our sense of value and worth.
Some typical messages with much documentation are; "you must not feel or experience emotions", you must not be important or stand out", "you must not get too close in relationships", and "you must not succeed". These messages are often delivered in more personal and direct forms like, "you will not succeed", "you're such a failure", "nobody would ever want you", or "you'll never amount to anything".
When these kinds of negative messages are delivered from very powerful figures in the child's life, they became deeply embedded in the thinking of the child, and leave a deep imprint on the life script development process. Because the child is smaller, weaker, and much more limited in cognitive development and life experience, the tendency to develop the, "I'm not OK, you're OK" life position is very natural.
In the limited perception and experience of the child, how could they ever be "OK" or acceptable in comparison to this smarter, stronger adult? So our propensity to develop a negative, defeatist life position is very pronounced.
The, "I'm not OK" language of, "I never do right", "I always find a way to mess things up", or "no one would ever want someone like me", comes very naturally to us. It’s the state we're from and have decided to live in.
The good news is that Transactional Analysis says you were born to live in another state. Transactional Analysis theory proposes that the state of "I'm OK, I'm acceptable, I have worth", is the natural and preferred state for people to exist in. The position of "I'm not OK" is actually contrary to the script, and can be confronted and corrected. The moving van is here; prepare to move!
(continued from part one)
