Meine Buchempfehlung

Ego states and Intimacy

Transaction analysis mainly aims to help with the relationships and communication. When it comes to developing relationship which are sexual in nature, it is difficult to determine which ego state should take over. The three states described by Berne: Child, Adult and Parent, all seem to be inadequate.

It is so because Parent ego is not suitable as not only it makes it harder to communicate to the partner but also incite censorious feeling like a voice in your head telling you ‘don’t do that’ or ‘it’s sinful’. Adult ego sees is as a practical act and deals with it as a biological requirement that needs to be fulfilled and makes the whole affair rather unemotional and mechanical.

Although Child is the more expressive, trusting and accommodating to the idea of intimacy but what disturbs it is the taboos attached to the idea of intimacy as a child. The role of sensuality is set pretty early in life when a child is rebuked for his expression of sexual feelings.

It may make the child shy and reserved in his approach and he may curb the feelings even as an adult or it may turn him into a rebellious being and think of it as something forbidden and sinful. But despite that you can only experience true intimacy if you have let the Child take control as dirty thoughts would not spoil the affair, because a child is more open to the idea of receiving as well as giving pleasure.

As for the communication part in all sorts of relationships, one needs to monitor the strokes and adjust one’s ego in order to complement the partner’s ego in order to reach an understanding, for which adult mode is better suited as it is rational and logical. Parent mode should strictly be adhered to when the situation requires you to take over the control.


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